Guilty Conscience, Part 1
by Sailor Rogue
Summary: Sequel to Lady MacBeth. Rogue is having trouble dealing with what happened and her teammates are growing exceedingly worried. Will they find a solution to help her? Will Rogue accept?
1. Xavier's Solution

This is the sequel to "Lady Macbeth". Please, please, please, PLEASE, if you haven't done so already read (and PLEASE review!!) "Lady Macbeth" before reading this. For your convenience, here's the link to "Lady Macbeth": http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=778640

Author's Ramble: This is going to be a 2-part sequel, with each part being 4 chapters. There will be lots and lots of drama, and story may be somewhat depressing at some points. Please please review!!! I want to know what you think. And once again, sorry, there will no Rietro, or any romances for that matter (as I said, it's not part of the story and I can't write romances). Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!!! The more reviews, the faster the updates!! Criticism is WELCOME, as long as it's constructive (don't just tell me it stinks, tell me why it stinks). Thank you. 

  
  


Guilty Conscience, Part 1  
  
It had been several weeks since Rogue's encounter with Carol Danvers, the "super-powered" mutant that she, Jean, Storm and Kitty had gone to recruit. The fight between Carol and Rogue had left Rogue with Carol's powers and personality, permanently, and had left Carol in a coma. Rogue now had the abilities of flight, super strength, invulnerability and even a seventh sense that warned her of danger (which she had discovered in a Danger Room session when she dodged a hit from behind). Unfortunately, these new powers had come with a price. Carol was now a part of Rogue, forever. Professor Xavier had worked with Rogue throughout those weeks to silence Carol's exiting presence in Rogue's mind. But all his work could not erase the guilt that consumed Rogue. Rogue had placed a great shame upon herself; she saw herself as Carol's murderer. Carol lay lifeless in the hospital and would stay that way for perhaps her whole life, while Rogue lived on with her powers.  
  
The guilt she carried had a great effect on Rogue. She had become more antisocial and distant, as impossible as that might seem to those who hardly knew her. She was doing poorly in school; her grades had dropped dramatically. She hardly spoke a word to any of her teammates, and even the person who seemed to be her only true friend, Risty, had been hit hard by Rogue's isolation. Risty had seen and felt the change in Rogue. She hardly talked to Risty anymore, and even when she would, it would be short and uneventful one-liners. Risty had tried endlessly to cheer her up. She had tried to get her to go out and have fun, and to find out what was wrong in order to make her feel better, but it was no use. Rogue was an island drifting away from everyone around her.  
  
Her teammates had grown increasingly worried as the weeks had gone by. Kitty, who shared a room with Rogue, had hardly spoken to her and had seen first hand what Rogue's guilt-founded depression was doing to her. All she would do was lie in bed all day while listening to her melancholy music and crying. She hardly ate and hardly slept, except when cried herself to sleep. Kitty was overwhelmed and could not deal with Rogue's condition. She would have asked to move to another room for her own sanity if she wasn't afraid that that would harm Rogue more.  
  
Rogue was hardly even an X-Man, or X-Woman, anymore. She went to very few Danger Room sessions in the first few weeks after the incident. When she actually made it, she would either stand there not doing anything, or, if she did participate, would lose her concentration in the midst of the workout. Luckily her invulnerability saved her whenever she got hit in those situations. Xavier decided it would be best to excuse her from any more Danger Room sessions, even though he had wanted to test out her new powers and to see just how strong she was. He had asked Rogue about that, but she had vehemently objected, saying that they were not her powers to test out or use.  
  
Finally, the X-Men had had enough. They could not stand by any longer and watch Rogue wither away into nothingness. They had to do something. They all agreed to meet up with Professor Xavier to discuss the situation and a possible solution. They entered his office, just before his weekly session with Rogue, to talk with him about her. Scott, as the leader, was the first to speak out.  
  
"Professor, we're really worried about Rogue. It's been so long since that incident with Carol and she hasn't gotten over it. There has to be something we can do...something YOU can do."  
  
"I know and I understand your concern," replied Xavier. "I have, of course, noticed her behavior and the changes that occurred in her and I have been thinking of a solution. I could find only one, but it's a bit of an ethical dilemma."  


"What is it?" Spyke asked in return. "We're desperate at this point. We'll try anything."  


"I've been working with Rogue for several weeks now and though it's been primarily to quiet and help her control Carol's presence, I've also been trying to help her with her guilt. I've tried explaining to her that it wasn't her fault, but she refuses to acknowledge or accept it."  
  
"Right, we've tried that too," said Jean.  
  
"So, since she can't forgive herself for what she's done, the only way to rid her of her guilt would be to make her forget what she's done."  
  
"How?" asked Kurt. "You don't mean - ?"  
  
"Yes, I'm afraid I do. The only way would be to erase the memory of meeting and fighting Carol; to permanently remove it from her mind. She will have no recollection of it and she will believe that the powers she possesses now were always there, since her mutant powers surfaced."  
  
"I think we should do it," Kitty said. "No matter if it is unethical or whatever."  
  
"I'm afraid it's not our choice to make. Because of the moral ambiguity of it, the only fair way would be to ask Rogue for permission. It would not be right to do it without her knowledge."  
  
"What?!" cried Scott. "No, Professor, you can't mean that! You know she would say no."  
  
"If that is her decision then we must respect it. She has the right to decide the fate of her mind."  
  
"But, Professor, she's not in a proper mental state to make ANY decisions, let along GOOD ones," Scott said.  
  
"I know. Believe me, I wish there was another way."  
  
"You know what, I think she likes her guilt," Kitty responded. "It's become a crutch for her now. For her own good, can't we just-"  
  
"Kitty, please. The answer is no, and that's final. I'm sure none of you would want me to erase any of your memories without your consent. Just ask Wolverine."  
  
"So...ven do ve ask her then?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Right about...now."  
  
Rogue opened the door to the office to find everyone inside. They all stopped talking as soon as they saw her, and she did not seem too happy to see them there, talking to the Professor.  
  
"What's going on here? Ya'll having a private meeting without telling me?"  
  
"No..we were just..." Scott replied nervously.  
  
"Please Rogue, sit down. Your teammates...and I...have something we want to ask you."  
  
Rogue sat down. "What? What do you want to ask me?"  
  
"We're worried about you, Rogue," Jean said caringly. "You haven't been yourself at all since...since that day. We want to help you."  
  
"Is this what this is about? Listen, Ah told you, Ah'm fine! Ah don't need anyone's help. Ah just need to be left alone."  
  
"Please, Rogue, calm down," Kitty said to her. "You know you're not fine. Your remorse about what happened with Carol has taken over your life. You know it wasn't your fault. You were defending yourself. She was attacking you. She could have hurt you. I mean, like, remember what she did to Storm? You couldn't have known what was going to happen."  
  
"Ah...Ah don't know what you're-" Rogue said angrily. She stood up and was about to walk out the door, not wanting to hear anymore.  
  
"Just hear us out, will you?" Jean said as she telekinetically closed the door.  
  
"I have a proposition for you. I've talked it out with your teammates and they're in favor of it. But, because of the nature of it, I want to make sure you are in agreement as well."  
  
Rogue sat down again. "All right, Ah'm listening"  



	2. In search of help

  
  


After the Professor had finished explaining his idea to Rogue, he and the other X-Men waited for a response from her.  
  
"So that's the plan? To take away mah memories of what happened? And ya'll agreed to this?!"  
  
The X-men nodded. "We just want what's best for you, Rogue," replied Jean.  
  
"What's best for me? What's best for me?! How can ya'll know what's best for me? You don't even understand what Ah'm going through."  
  
"We do understand, Rogue," said Evan. "We--" 

"No, you don't. None of you can possibly know what it's like to be me right now. You can't possibly know what it was like to feel her life absorbed into me, to feel her lifeless body fall from my hands, to have her mind inside my head. You just can't understand. Ah killed her, and there's nothing you or Ah can do to change that."  
  
"Rogue, don't say things like that," said Kitty. "You know that's not--"  
  
"Why not? It's true isn't it, Professor? Carol will never wake up again, she'll never live her life, ever?"  
  
"At this moment, I'm not certain. I've been monitoring her progress and she's still catatonic."  
  
"Just say it, Professor. She's gone."  
  
"Rogue, listen, please. We all care about you and we want what's best for you. I know that this idea is a little hard to swallow right now, but if you would just take some time to think about it..."  
  
"Ah don't need to think about it. Ah've made up mah mind. Ah can't do it. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to Carol, to just forget she ever existed. All that's left of her is her body and mah memories of her. Ah can't just let her be forgotten. Then she'd REALLY be gone forever."  
  
"Please, Rogue, just think about it," pleaded Kurt. "Please."  
  
Rogue saw the look in his eyes. It was the same look in everyone's eyes: a sad, concerned look. She could see that saying 'no' again would cause them even more pain, and she didn't want to do that, especially not to Kurt. He was the closest one to her of all the X-Men.  
  
"All right, fine, Ah'll think about it."  
  
"Good," Xavier told her. "Take the whole day. We'll see you here tomorrow morning to hear your decision."  
  
Rogue left the office in a more dampered mood than when she came in. She knew that she didn't want to have her memory of the battle with Carol erased, but she didn't want to let everyone down either. She knew her guilt was consuming her life, but how could it not? There was nothing she could do to change how she felt.  
  
Rogue went to her room for some quiet time alone, to think over what had just been proposed to her. She really didn't want to do it, but what choice did she have? If she didn't, her guilt would continue to take over her life and the other X-Men would keep trying to cheer her up. She knew she had to do something, but she didn't know what. She did know, however, that taking away the memory of her battle with Carol was NOT the answer. She needed to clear her head to think about her situation thoroughly and to sort everything out.  
  
Rogue walked towards her window and opened it, feeling the cool breeze blow upon her face. It was such a beautiful day outside, and she very much wanted to enjoy it, but she felt her guilt stopping her, as it always did. She didn't feel that she deserved to enjoy anything and so hadn't enjoyed anything since the day she fought Carol.  
  
Rogue thought hard as she stared outside the window, looking up at the beautiful, clear blue sky. It seemed to be calling her, telling her to let herself go and be free. She struggled with her strong desire to listen to it, but it was a struggle that she was not winning.  
  
"Well, maybe just this once," she said to herself. "Ah DO need to clear my head."  
  
Rogue climbed out the window and sat on the window sill. It really was a beautiful day; a perfect day to forget one's troubles. Rogue stood up slowly and then took off, flying up into the sky. She felt the wind blowing in her hair and the sun warming her face. As anyone could tell by her pale complexion, she hardly spent any time in the sun. But now, she was closer to it than ever and she was basking its warm light. She flew freely all around, enjoying every moment of it. She could see the entire mansion from up there--she could even see the whole neighborhood! She felt completely carefree; it was a great way to forget her troubles.  
  
Upon looking down at the mansion again, she saw a blue figure running around in the backyard. She flew down to see what Beast was up to.  
  
"Mr. McCoy?" she called out.  
  
"Oh, hell, Rogue," Beast replied, surprised to see Rogue. "How did you know I was here?"  
  
"Hi, Mr. McCoy. Ah was just...well...around and Ah saw you here so Ah came by."  
  
"Really? I thought I was pretty well hidden," he said with a smirk on his face.  
  
"All right, all right, you got me. Ah was flying around and Ah saw you."  
  
"How did it feel?"  
  
"It was...great. Really great. It felt so wonderful. It was the most fun Ah've had in a long time."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But, Ah kinda feel guilty for doing it. It's not really mah power to use, ya know? Ah just needed to clear mah head and think."  
  
"I know how you feel. When I need to be alone and clear my mind, I come out here and, for lack of a better word, romp. You shouldn't feel guilty, Rogue. You've been faithful about not using Ms. Danver's powers. A nice fly-around every once in a while won't hurt."  
  
"Yes it will," sighed Rogue. "Ah can't help feeling guilty over what happened. Using her powers just doesn't feel right to me."  
  
"I see. That's understandable. But you must not let your guilt run your life as it has."  
  
"Ah know. Ah know. Ah just - " Rogue sighed heavily again. She was glad she had found Beast to talk to. He was her favorite instructor at the Institute. Logan wasn't much of a talker or someone who liked to 'share' his feelings, Storm was never around, and Professor Xavier was more of a mentor or father figure than a friend. Beast was in many ways like Kurt--neither of them looked very human, but both were very much human on the inside--which was probably why she got along with them so well. Although it might have been different for her than it was for them, they both understood her isolation. Even though Kurt had an image inducer, he still had to hide his true face from the world, as did Beast, who did not even have one. Before he had joined the X-Men, Kurt had been lonely and could not show his face to the world without being persecuted, except perhaps in circus acts. After Mr. McCoy became the Beast, he could no longer do what he loved, teaching children, in public. Like them, Rogue had to hide away from the world, not because of her face, but because her power prevented her from getting too close to anyone. Getting emotionally close to someone would only lead to heartbreak later when she would have to acknowledge that she could never touch that person.  
  
Rogue always enjoyed the moments she shared with Beast. They were like kindred spirits, not only because of their isolation, but for their love of books. Being a loner gave Rogue plenty of time to read. Books were her friends, her true companions. She could go anywhere and be anyone when she read. Beast found a great comfort in books as well. They helped calm his inner demon and took him to another place where he could be free. Whenever they could, they would talk for hours about their favorite books and stories which neither of them could do with anyone else at the Institute. She connected with him more than she could with anyone else. He was quite possibly the best friend she had ever had, or could ever ask for.  
  
Rogue could talk to Beast about almost anything and so she always came to him with her dilemmas, seeking help. He always tried to understand her instead of making assumptions that he knew how she felt. He would always listen to her and advise her only when she asked, but never pressured her to take his advice. He always made it clear that her decision was HER decision. He was a fountain of wisdom, a dispenser of knowledge, and a giver of comfort, all of which she desperately needed now.  
  
"Mr. McCoy, Ah need to talk to you about something."  
  
"I'm all ears."  
  
"Professor Xavier wants to take away mah memories of what happened with Ms.Danvers. The other X-Men all agreed to it, and they want me to agree to it too."  
  
"I see, and you don't like that idea, I gather."  
  
"No, Ah don't. Ah mean, Ah know why they want me to say yes, but Ah just can't. Ah can't do that to Carol. It wouldn't be fair to just forget about her."  
  
"But that's not the only thing bothering you, is it?"  
  
"No. Ah don't want to live like this anymore, feeling nothing but remorse over what happened, over what Ah've done. Ah can't go on like this, you know. It's not a life. Ah just feel trapped, like there's no way out. What should Ah do, Beast?"  
  
"Well, I'm not going to repeat what everyone's already told you. I know that you know that it wasn't your fault, but that doesn't change things. I can't tell you what to do, Rogue; that's always up to you. But I know that you should do what you feel is right, and not just what the others would want you to do. As for your guilt, there's no real way to get rid of it. I still blame myself for turning myself into 'The Beast'. I was so anxious to cure myself of the beast within me that I didn't think of the side effects it might have. Guilt never goes away, but you can always learn from it, or try to make the best of it. In my case, I tell myself that if I hadn't become what you see before you, I probably would not have come to live here, and I wouldn't have met any of the wonderful people I enjoy seeing and spending time with, including you. As for you, maybe you can make a memorial for Carol, or dedicate your life to something she would have wanted  
to do."  
  
Rogue let out another heavy sigh of despair. "Thanks, Beast."  
  
"I wish I had better advice for you, but--"  
  
"No, it was the truth. It was what Ah needed to hear. Ah'm gonna head in now; Ah need to be alone for a while."  
  
Beast watched heavy-heartedly as Rogue walked hopelessly and sadly towards the mansion.  



	3. To Forgive or Forget?

Rogue continued on into the mansion and then up to her room. She lied down on her bed, thinking about all that had happened that day. She needed time alone to sort it all out and make her decision for the meeting with the X- men next morning.  
  
Hours passed and Rogue was still on her bed, still thinking. She hadn't come down for lunch or dinner, but the X-men were used to that by now and didn't bother trying to get her to come. Besides, she had fallen asleep a few times (never for too long), and they wanted her to get some rest.  
  
Finally, after a few more hours and all the deliberation she had done, she came to a decision. She finally realized what she had to do. She didn't like it, but she knew it was the only way she could be at peace; it was just the right thing to do.  
  
Rogue took out her diary and proceeded to write in it. It was quite possibly the only thing that had kept her sane throughout all her trials and trribulations since she found out she was a mutant. It wasn't easy to have her powers and she needed to vent that out, but she didn't want to burden anyone with her complaints. No one needed to hear her whine about how she could never touch anyone. Besides, she wasn't sure they'd care anyway. They had their own lives and problems to deal with.  
  
She wrote about everything that was on her mind at that moment. She wanted to record her exact feelings about the choice she had finally made. She also needed to make certain "arrangements" before the meeting with Xavier and the X-men. After she had made her journal entry, she took out a notebook and started writing. She did that for about an hour until Kitty walked in to go to sleep. Rogue had lost all track of time. It was already 10:00 and that meant lights out (after all, they had to get up hours before school for danger room sessions, even though it WAS Saturday).  
  
Kitty and Rogue had their usual awkward silence (things had never been great between them, but after the "incident" they hardly spoke), but for the first time since who-knows-when, Rogue actually said "good night" to Kitty. Kitty was surprised. She was pleasantly surpirsed, but surprised nonetheless. She returned Rogue's friendly gesture and added a "sleep well" and a smile before going to sleep. Rogue wasn't going to sleep well, though. She wasn't going to sleep at all in fact. She took out her diary and was about to write in it but changed her mind and took out her notbook instead. She quickly started writing again and continued to write the whole night.  
  
It was almost sunrise and Rogue was still writing. She saw the sky getting lighter and opened her window to watch the sun rise, but she could not view it from her standpoint. She proceeded to climb out but not without going back for her her notebook and pen. She flew out of the window and stood on the roof of the mansion, watching the beautiful sunrise as she wrote. Tears flowed down her cheek as she watched and wrote, some falling onto the paper and wetting it. She came back into her room and sat on her bed. She was crying harder now, but she still managed to keep writing. Kitty's alarm rang and she woke up. Kitty slowly got out bed and saw Rogue crying. She wanted to say something, but this was not the first time she had woken up to see Rogue crying. She knew better than to ask Rogue what was wrong. She knew what was wrong and anytime anyone asked Rogue would just say "nothing" or get mad at being asked that all the time.  
  
"Morning, Rogue. You comin to breakfast before the meeting?" Kitty asked. Kitty and the others had stopped asking Rogue that, but today she was hoping Rogue would change her mind and say yes. From the silence Kitty got from her, she saw she wouldn't.  
  
"Sure. Ah'll be right down."  
  
Kitty stopped in her tracks and looked shockingly at Rogue. Rogue looked back at Kitty and gave her a little smile. Kitty smiled back before she proceeded down to the kitchen. Rogue wrote a little more in her notebook before heading down herself.  
  
Rogue entered the kitchen and saw everyone there, eating, talking, having a good time. They all stopped suddenly when they saw Rogue enter but tried to cover their shock by continuing their eating and conversation. It was the first time in ages that she had come down, they didn't want to scare her away by staring at her and making her the object of attention.  
  
Rogue hardly said a word that morning, as usual, but she was eating with everyone and enjoying everyone's company. She just sat there watching everyone and just listening to their conversations.  
  
Finally, it was time for her meeting with Professor Xavier and the X-men. It was the moment she was dreading all night long. She had hoped this moment would never come but it had, and there was no way to escape it now. Everyone got up and started walking up to Professor Xavier's office while Rogue just sat at the table, motionless and speechless.  
  
"Umm..Rogue? You coming?" Scott asked.  
  
"Are you ok Rogue?" asked Jean.  
  
'Uh...yeah, Ah'm fine. Ah'll be there in second. Ah just have something Ah need to do."  
  
"Ok, we'll be waiting in the office."  
  
Rogue got up and went to her room again. She grabbed her notebook and wrote as fast as she could. Anyone that saw her could see she was nervous and obviously had a lot on her mind. Her lips were shaking as if she was about to cry, but she was too scared to cry. She finished writing and grabbed several envelopes from her nightstand drawer. She pulled out some papers and stuffed them into the envelopes. She left 2 envelopes on her bed and took the rest with her, but not before putting one on Kitty's bed. A few minutes later, Rogue entered the office and found everyone waiting for her. It was obvious from their faces that they were anxiously awaiting her arrival. Now that she was there, they looked more nervous than ever, but they couldn't possibly be as nervous as she was. The time had come for her decision. Everyone was waiting, and hoping, for the response.  
  
"So, Rogue, have you had enough time to think about what we talked about yesterday? Have you made your decision?" Professor Xavier asked.  
  
"Yes. Yes Ah have." _____________________________________________________________  
  
So what do you think she chose? The Lady or the Tiger.I mean..To forgive or Forget? Find out in the next exciting chapter of ..GUILTY CONSCIENCE!! Dun dun dun! 


	4. Rogue's decision

Thanks to all who have reviewed!!! Your comments are so very much appreciated!!  
  
Author's Ramble: This is the conclusion of Part 1. There will be a second part to it, which I am currently writing. Hope ya'll like it. And now we present the conclusion to Part 1 of Guilty Conscience!  
  
A great silence fell upon the room. Everyone was quiet, waiting for Rogue to say what she had decided to do, hoping it would be to "forget" about her fight with Carol.  
  
"Well, come on, girl!" Spyke suddenly said. "Tell us already!".  
  
"Evan, please, this is obviously hard on Rogue," said Xavier. "Give her some time."  
  
"Yes, it was hard for me. Really hard. Before Ah tell you all mah decision, Ah want to tell ya'll that Ah thought really, really hard about this. Ah didn't take this lightly and Ah really weighed out the decision carefully. In the end, Ah figured out that the best thing for me to do is to listen to mah heart and to do what's right. And Ah believe that erasing mah memory of Carol just wouldn't be right."  
  
A sigh of despair came out of everyone's mouth as they held down their heads in disappointment.  
  
"Now, everyone," said the Professor, "I know you're upset, but remember what we said. We promised we would not force Rogue to do anything she didn't want to do and would support her decision no matter what. Even if it wasn't what we wanted to hear."  
  
Rogue spoke again. "But Ah have also decided that Ah don't like living like this either. Ah don't like living each day not being able to enjoy mahself and just feeling horrible every day of mah life."  
  
"Then, you have another idea?" Xavier asked.  
  
"Yes. Ah do. Ah know ya'll probably won't like what Ah have to say but like Ah said, Ah thought long and hard about this and Ah feel this is the only way."  
  
Rogue paused and looked at everyone around her. Everyone had their eyes and attention on her. They were all listening, waiting to hear what she was about to say. She realized that she was the only one standing as she hadn't sat down since she came in. She took a deep breath before she spoke again.  
  
"Ah want to give Carol another chance at life...Ah want her to live her life again. It doesn't look like she'll be waking up from her coma soon, so the only way for her to live again...is through me."  
  
"What?! You can't be serious, Rogue!" Scott shouted.  
  
"Ah'm completely serious."  
  
"You can't do this! Professor, tell her she can't do this!" Scott cried.  
  
"Rogue, do you realize what you're asking?" said the Professor. "If Carol is let loose in your mind, she'll fight you relentlessly. It'll be too hard for you to fight back. If she wins you can end up in a coma forever or worse...you could become brain dead. And even if she doesn't win, the fight could leave you with permanent damage."  
  
"Ah know that, that's why Ah won't be fighting back. Ah won't even be present to fight back. Ah want to give her full control of mah mind and mah body. Ah'll be in the unconscious of mah mind like she has been."  
  
"Rogue, I cannot condone this. This goes far beyond any sense of reason."  
  
"Why not? Listen, this is the only way. Ah thought about this all day yesterday and stayed up all night. Ah made the decision and Ah'm not going to change it. Mah mind's made up."  
  
"Rogue, please, you can't do this. You can't throw your life away like this."  
  
"The way Ah figure it, Ah hardly have a life to throw away anymore. Since the incident Ah've hardly been mahself. Ah know Ah was never cheery or social before, but Ah still knew how to have a good time every now and then. Now Ah can't even go to sleep without seeing Carol's face in mah head. You don't know what it's like. To try to sleep and to see her face haunting me. Ah see parts of her memories in mah dream, family members, friends. Ah sometimes have dreams of her family and friends visiting her in the hospital and crying. She had so many goals and aspirations. She was surrounded by so much love, and Ah took that way from her."  
  
"Oh, Rogue," Jean said sympathetically.  
  
"You can't think like that, Rogue," said Kitty. "You didn't mean--"  
  
"Ah know Ah didn't mean it. Ah KNOW it was an accident. Ah know, Ah know. You've told me a thousand times. That doesn't change the fact that it happened. Carol's life was so much more fulfilling than mine. She had dreams and a purpose. She needs to be able to achieve those dreams. And if the only way is through me, then so be it."  
  
"But life won't be the same for her, Rogue," said Kitty.  
  
"Ah know. But it's the only thing Ah can do. It's the only way Ah can redeem myself. It's the least Ah can do for her...the only life Ah can give her."  
  
"But..." Scott began to say, not knowing what else he could say to change Rogue's mind. But he could see there wasn't anything he COULD say. There wasn't anything anyone could say. It was obvious that Rogue had made up her mind, and nothing anyone could say or do would make her think otherwise.  
  
"Rogue, I wish you would change your mind," said Xavier. "Please, I don't think you know what you're asking me to do."  
  
Tears started to roll down Rogue's cheeks. She tried to keep them in, but it was no use; they forced their way out.  
  
"Ah have thought about it. Ah know what it means. Ah don't like it. Ah never said Ah did. But it's the only way. Ah can't live like this any more. Please, Professor, don't try to make me live like this."  
  
Professor Xavier lowered his head in despair and let out a big sigh. "Rogue, I can't do--"  
  
"Professor, you just said you promised to support any decision Ah made. Are you turning your back on your promise?"  
  
Rogue was right. He hated to admit it but she was right. He had always taught his students the importance of keeping promises, unless there were dire consequences involved. This could have been one of those times, but he could see that arguing would get them nowhere. Rogue would fade away into a pit of despair if he didn't do what she asked. And then it would be too late to save her.  
  
"All right, Rogue, you win."  
  
Nearly everyone in the room protested vehemently at the Professor's response. They couldn't believe he would actually agree to what Rogue suggested. Rogue, noticed, however, how quiet Kurt was. He was the only one who hadn't said anything to Rogue and he didn't even make any objections with the other students. She had never thought about how hard it would be on him. He WAS the only student she really got along with, but he had other students that he was on good terms with. What would it matter if she wasn't around? Still, she saw how hurt he looked. She wished she didn't cause him any pain, that would be the last thing she'd want, but she couldn't change her mind.  
  
"Everyone, please quiet down now. I know that this is hard for you to accept. I don't like it any more than you do, but this IS Rogue's decision, and we have to stand by her, no matter what. I trust that she has thought this through, and I shudder to think what may happen if we refuse her."  
  
Rogue held her head down in shame. She couldn't take looking any of them in the eyes, especially Kurt. She hope it wouldn't be THIS hard on her, or on them.  
  
"All right now, Rogue, are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this? You won't be conscious once Carol's in control. You won't be cognizant of anything she says or does."  
  
"Ah'm sure, and that's exactly how Ah want it. It's too creepy being aware of what's going on and not being able to do anything. That's how it was when she tried to take over before."  
  
"All right, then. I need you to relax completely. Clear your mind and just relax."  
  
Rogue did as the Professor asked. She closed her eyes and relaxed. Her mind was clear and her body was loose. Xavier wheeled up close to her, closed his eyes and began the procedure.  
  
Xavier entered Rogue's mind and went down into her subconscious and then into her unconscious. As he drew near he could hear a faint voice coming from the depths of Rogue's mind. He knew at once that it was Carol. She was not too happy about being trapped down there.  
  
As he came closer and closer, the voice grew louder until he was close enough to hear Carol's voice from behind the walls he had put her in. She was caged in so that she couldn't escape, but she was still wild and still wanted control. The sessions he had had with Rogue were to try to calm and suppress Carol, to prevent her from escaping her cage.  
  
Xavier carefully opened the psychic cage up and Carol quickly escaped, trying to get up to Rogue's conscious. Xavier used his power to calm Carol before she could get any further. Rogue's personified psyche watched as Carol's was pacified. Now it was Rogue's turn. Xavier took Rogue's persona from the conscious part of Rogue's mind, down to the subconscious and finally to the unconscious. In order to prevent her from escaping and causing chaos in Rogue's head again, Rogue's psyche had to be locked down in the unconscious. Xavier created a mind block in the form of a psionic wall. As the wall rose up around her, tears began to run from her eyes. As he watched and continued to build the "wall", Xavier's eyes began to water as well. Outside Rogue's mind, the X-Men saw tears stream down her cheeks and knew what was happening. The crying was contagious and soon, Kitty and Jean began to shed tears. The guys tried to hold them back because "guys don't cry", but it was no use; Kurt was the first and the others soon followed. Finally it was done, Rogue was gone and the new inhabitant of Rogue's mind opened her eyes. Carol Danvers was reborn.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
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So what'd ya think? Did ya see that coming? Stay tuned for the second part of Guilty Conscience to find out what happens!!! 


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